Reflections on Facebook

Recently, and somewhat reluctantly, I accepted the friend request of the girlfriend, of a friend of my son. I have had one conversation with the young girl,..standing in front of her house when I was trying to find my son. She was/is 23, I think, and half way through pregnancy with her sixth child when I met her.  The request came a week later. And everyday in one way or another her posts break my heart.

brooke is convinced she is a monkey! she keeps hanging off of everything n wen I tell her to stop she just ses mommy me a monkey!:) silly bear I love being a mom

* · · Friday at 10:43am via mobile ****

well morning started off slow but I got house picked up a lil ,dishes done, suntea made fed the kids lunch then made home made zuchini cookies .:) hopong to here about my second job soon :)

** · · Friday at 1:27pm via mobile · ***

zane is obssesed with shoes! lol

* · · Friday at 5:42pm via mobile****

feeling really lonely :( .watching a movie.

* · · Friday at 9:58pm via mobile ****

not a great start.

· · Yesterday at 10:35am via mobile · 

 

Her days are hard.She's working one job, and looking for a second. She lives with my sons friend, who is the father of two of her children, and who is not exactly tuned in responsibly. They live in a crowded little corner house,..that was a shithole when she got there and has been trying to clean everysince

She is, by turns, optimistic, and sad, positive, and then hopeless. Obviously struggling with her existence and then finding joy in her kids. 

When I was her age I had one child and I felt overwhelmed. And I will forever be haunted by this image of her standing outside that little house, one in her belly, one on her hip and another peering from the other side of a broken door,..all of them crying because they were afraid of the thunder.

Also as haunting are her mobile pictures. Children running through the sprinklers on a dry lawn, ribs poking from their tiny chests. 

I talked to George about buying them a box of hamburgers and he scoffs at the idea,..the same guy who picks up hitchikers and buys meals for hobos didnt want to go there because they may ask for something in the future,and I totally got what he was thinking. A box of hamburger could quickly, with the boyfriend, turn in to lend me 50 for groceries he's going to go party with. It might be a bad road to go down.

But everyday, I am torn by wanting to lighten that heavy load she is carrying.

 

Life is never easy but worth fightong for! i a strong beautiful person n ill be ok for my kids i love them and i love myself enough to hold my head up high

· · 34 minutes ago via mobile ·