June 17, 2012
I am trying to get here more, I think it will help me relieve some of the pressure threatening to make my head explode. Sometimes, it's a door I just cant open.
Sleep study is done and I "qualified", to use their term. At this point I'm kind of lost in the process, not clear on whether the home health care company will contact me or if they are waiting for me to call them. I have some mixed feelings about the whole thing. I am hopeful that the machine will help take me to a more rested place, but a little afraid I wont be able to take that drowning feeling I experienced using it at the sleep center. Self discipline,..yeah, I've found that whole notion to be a bit challenging,. always. We will see. I have a bit of motivation. A local woman I knew through the office suddenly died of a heart attack at the age of 57. It's shook me up. I dont want to be that person someone finds dead in a heap on the floor.  What a haunting image. The thought of that happening to someone in my family just kills me. You would think that would make me put this cigarette out, or stop drinking the raspberry tea, see previous self discipline comment.
Today I'm doing what I have done most weekends over the last month,..dreading having to work and putting it off. I promised on Thursday that I would do some research for an attorney who called and report back on Monday morning my findings. If I could find the file it would be easy,..but I cant. It's with a chunk of files that I have no idea where to find. Once again, over promising and under performing. That's me.

I wish that it had
at least
rained
It's been so long since I've felt the energy of a good thunder booming lightening show and I've missed it so.
I need it. I've been going to the river at lunch,..and it's helping me to find the center in each day. But I could really use the large assaulting energy of a thunderstorm. At any rate, rain would have been nice. It's an easy going energy and it would have been soothing after a day of gardening in the sultry heat.
We were productive today. The pots are all done. At least all of the pots I should do anyway. It felt so good and I had such an awesome time playing with the colors,..although aside from the Sun Coleus, I pretty much stuck to my purple themed creations.
It was a good day.