Confunction

So Saturday, this is the way this usually goes. 

I wake up, drag myself down the hall and into the kitchen for coffee. If George is home, he is usually up before me and having his first cup. We have conversation over my first cup and his second (usually his last). We talk. 

About us, about the kids, about our jobs, about what's on the news, we talk. Still, after, (gotta stop and do the math...) twenty six years, we talk. Because, after all this time,..we still like each other.

Plans are made for the day, we get on track or off track, but in general we spend the day together, doing a lot, or doing nothing. 

But, that is not typical of a Saturday. Most Saturdays he's either out of town working, or here working and occasionally, like on this Saturday, he has some place else he has to be. Today, it's a Union Meeting in Billings.

So while he is doing his secret handshake, hand signals and arguing, I am going to have a normal Saturday.

Which is fighting what I call the slog.

(stop to look up the online definition  : to plod (one's way) perseveringly especially against difficulty ...hmmm)

The "slog", to me, anyway, is the "I want to get stuff done and just cant seem to" thing.

There are a ton of reasons (slash excuses) for this,..distraction is one. I get up from my coffee to check my e-mail and the next thing you know I am listening to music and watching nail tutorials on youtube. It used to be tv that distracted me and I used to be able to get around that by getting right up from my coffee and on to what needed to be done, but the other reason (slash excuse) I cant seem to get much done is my body. My damn, bloated, tired and broken old body. Until this summer, it was my achy back. I'd go out into the garden and one of two things would happen,..I'd work until it hurt and give up,..or I would continue long after it started to hurt and then I would walk like a cripple for days after. Now, it's not just my back,..it's more the constant state of "tired" that keeps me from getting stuff done. I'll get up to do the dishes and after five minutes of unloading the dishwasher and stacking the dishes to rinse, I have to sit down. It's not catching my breath exactly,..it's that my arms start to feel like they weigh a hundred pounds each and my legs seem to buckle under,..well, the rest of what I weigh, really weigh. 

So now,  I work in spurts. Do a little, sit a little,..try not to get distracted, slog through a few things,..sit awhile longer.

I HATE THIS!!!!

It pisses me off

Honestly, if it was just the housework,..I'd give in and say screw it, but I WANT to get out into the garden. I want to feel the sun,..smell the flowers, listen to the birds, feel the dirt on my hands,...make things pretty. 

I spent ten minutes in one of the back beds cutting the daisies where they were crushing the speedwell. The plan was to knock out the Iris stalks too,..bending,..stooping,..pain,..almost immediately exhausted. 

So I came back in and now I am hanging my head in my blog and feeling like a failure at doing the thing I love more than anything.

**( Pause for what might be a mistake )**

HAH!

Ouch,..

So frustration got the better of me and I stopped writing,..went out into that damn bed and cut the rest of the iris stalks,..looks better, but dammit my back is just burning like hell now!

It's going to be one of those days that I push it until I cant walk,..I can see it coming.

At least I'm going to like myself on Sunday.